Words cannot impress God but from the heart I first acknowledge His omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence. God is a wonderful, loving and merciful God. He is not just A God but He is THE God. I thank God for saving my life; for not consuming me in His wrath and for not giving me over to my enemies. There is power in the blood of Jesus. There is power in the mighty name of Jesus. This testimony I haven’t shared with much people but I wish to take the time out with joy and gladness to share my testimony to bless others. God is Healer; Deliverer; Saviour; Protector and Provider. He is our Everything. He is our All in all.
There is much to say but I don’t think I can write all that has happened to me. I was a very young child. Everything seemed happy with my little family but then my eyes opened up to see that all was not well. I remember during Hurricane Ivan that the yard was flooded but daddy still managed to pass through the flood, he left and I didn’t see Him in a long while. My mother was hurting. Her marriage with my father was ruining. Daddy had finally left us for another family. Mom was heartbroken. She was not working and daddy was hardly around to give my sister and I lunch money to go to school [we were in Primary School at that time]. We were dependent on him for everything. There were nights that we went to bed hungry. When we called him, it was either we didn’t get through to him or he promised he would show up but he never did. Sometimes we didn’t have lunch money to go to school but mom ensured that we were never absent for she sacrificed everything. We kept the faith.
This all continued until my mother met a guy who at first seemed as if he would be the continuation of what my father broke off. We were happy with him and he, with us until the responsibility of being the household’s bread winner was upon me. He changed. He would curse us and use our father’s situation against us. If he had ever done anything for us, he would curse us and demand back his money, if he bought food or took care of the utilities or even if he gave us lunch money to go to school. It would have been better if he cursed us privately but he would tell everyone what he did-embarrassing us. Situation got more intense and heartbroken when he started physically abusing my mother. He would punch her with all his might all over her, especially in her face; kicked her; squeezed her throat as if he intended to kill her and cursed all of us, telling us the worse things ever. And this happened repeatedly as if it were a cycle. I lost all hope. I felt like I never belonged. I felt inferior and unhappy. I struggled with my self-image and esteem because he cursed me and yelled at me saying that I was good for nothing or I didn’t serve any purpose or I was useless and worthless. My sister and I endured the same thing. The worst part about it was that at one point, as if she was helpless to defend us and stand up for us, our mother joined forces with him and they cursed us and undermined us in everything that we did. I began hating them both very much. He would tell lies on us for mom to beat us and curse us for him. It seemed as if he wanted mom to abandon us for him. When he bought food and brought it into the household, he told us not to touch his stuffs or if he ever found out that we ate anything of his, he would force his hand down our stomachs and withdraw his food. We couldn’t use the light to do homework for he was the one paying the bill; we couldn’t spend time showering properly for he was the one taking care of the bill; we couldn’t go near his furniture for he was the one who bought them. We were devastated and depressed. I had to use candles in the nights and do homework and study. I still came in the top 3! Thanks be to God!!! Oh, how my eyes strained! Surprisingly, I still have 20/20 vision. We were hungry, as I recall one day, when we went inside the house to ask for something to eat when he forced us out of the house with his harsh words, telling us to “grange the green mangoes on the trees up in the hills”. I always believed in God but one Saturday when I decided to worship Him, he came forcefully and took my Bible and threw it away. Knowing me, I always wanted to defend myself in everything; I cried and cried and told him that God saw him and will handle him. That was all I could do. I felt helpless.
Things transpired when my mom became pregnant with his child. He bought household stuffs and told my sister and me that we weren’t supposed to touch his stuffs. We had to wait until he was away for us to eat something. I would cry myself to sleep. I began asking God why!!!!! “Why did You create me? I hate myself!” were some of the things I would say to God. I would repeatedly wished I wasn’t born, and then I began believing everything my step-dad cursed me and told me. Even when mom was pregnant he would beat her. He enjoyed hitting her in the face. Right now, one of her eyes is badly damaged, that she has to do surgery on her pupil each year. He would cheat on her. He used her. He abused her. And the cycle would continue. One evening when he seemed to be killing her during a fight, I couldn’t watch him hurt her anymore so I intervened and began hitting him with a broom. He left her and approached me with a machete, mean while he squeezed my throat, and he told me he would kill me. I was so scared and frightened. It pained me to watch my mother suffered so much.
It took years for us to be finally delivered; when God saw that it was enough, that mom applied for an overseas work programme alongside a group of people and she was the only one to get through at the embassy. She was given only a few months but she ran off so that she could send us throughout high school and now in college. So, we were delivered. We moved and stayed with family members but things were only nice for a little time there. My sister and I thought we were finally happy until family members started using us and mistreating us. I had sleepless nights and constant headaches. I was happy and eager to leave the house but when time near approached for me to go back home, I became depressed and terribly sad. They told lies on us; robbed us; used us to do hard chores and the like. Mom was trying to help us and so my sister and I encouraged each other that bright and sunny days will be coming our way. We endured the sufferings and hardships for some years until again God saw that it was enough.
We moved several times from house to house and from community to community. I remember when we lived in a small, feeble, boarded house and a gun man tried to break in to harm us and rob us. Mom was pregnant at the time and our step-dad was with another woman. It was by the grace of God why we weren’t harmed and I know God was with us because the door wasn’t strong enough to withstand the pressure and force at which the gun man tried to bring it down, yet still the gun man was not strong enough to do so because God held it up. Satan tried to kill me several times, one of which I was in a very terrible car accident. I was supposed to be dead but GOD-MY GOD has a plan for my life. All those times that I struggled and I suffered; felt inferior; insignificant; rejected and neglected, yet still here I am. God chose me. I believe. I am blessed. I still struggle with my self-image and self-esteem but God will make a way out for me. People wouldn’t understand how much my heart was shattered in pieces but here I still am alive and well and going on. God healed me; saved me; protected me; stood by me; delivered me and comforted me when I was hurting and felt alone. He gave me the strength to forgive each person that oppressed me. Yes! I forgave my daddy, my step-dad and family members. The devil wants to see me fail and he wants me desperately to fall but I am a warrior! I am a conqueror in the name of the Lord! Other than all that I have mentioned above, that I have been through, there were a lot more that transpired but I didn’t die. I made it! You all will rise and make it too! Only God can turn a mess into a message and a test into a testimony, like what He did through me. Be of good courage! Jesus is there for us and with us. Never ask God to take you out of a problem. Instead, ask Him to walk with you as you go throughout your situations. He will rescue you. He will do it again. He will rescue you over and over. We are His children and He loves us so much. Our Heavenly Father will take care of you, so my dear fellow brothers and sisters, stand fast and hold the faith for God is right there with you.
I am now in my third year of college. It is relatively hard for mom to send us both throughout University, so my sister and I have applied for scholarships and by the grace of God, there’ll be a way out for us. God has blessed me with knowledge and wisdom, thus I will succeed in life. My trials are not over. More perilous times are ahead but I have learnt to pray and to seek His face. To God be the glory forever, great and marvelous things He has done. God bless you all.
-Sweetest Mon Mon